Use Your Loaf for Sausage and Mash

And now it’s time for a feel-good word story from across the pond!

Did you know that there is a very special ATM on Commercial Street in East London?

When requesting your language of choice, it gives only two options –

English or Cockney.

That’s Cockney, as in Cockney Rhyming Slang.

So, if you’re in need of some Fast Sausage and Mash (a.k.a. Cash) and want to have a little wordy fun doing it, simply enter your Huckleberry Finn (pin) and choose from the following colorful options –

Lady Godiva (£5)

Speckled Hen (£10)

Horn of Plenty (£20)

Now that’s just plain fun!

You know, rhyming slang is often used to substitute words regarded as taboo.

Hmmm…

I’m thinking this could come in handy here in the Evergreen State.

PROMPT: Take a little walk on the wild side of London where feet are plates, eyes are minces, and a head is known as a loaf. Check out a nifty Cockney Rhyming Slang Dictionary here. Then throw your character into a whole heap of Barney Rubble. But Blimey! Nobody knows what the Gypsy Nell he’s saying.

Washington: The State of Insanity

Recently, the great state of Washington made headlines when it went on a little tear to make all state laws gender-neutral.

Apparently, the words freshman, fisherman, and penmanship have been banned.

Now we can only be first-year students and fishers engaged in handwriting here in the Evergreen State.

You see, somebody’s feelings might get hurt if we use those other words.

Well, here’s my take –

If being called a “freshman” is going to turn you into a non-functioning human curled up in a fetal position and crying for your mama –

You need therapy.

Meanwhile, how many of those “sensitive” freshmen out there are at this very moment merrily singing along to every rap song featuring words that sound like garden tools or rhyme with “itches?”

Just sayin’.

Oh, and regarding the word updates, one National Women’s Law Center senior adviser said, “This is important in changing hearts and minds.”

Really?

Yep, I’m pretty sure penmanship is making a BIG impact on hearts and minds.

So where do we stop, Ms. Adviser?

I mean, I’m not sure what to call myself right now.

Surely, I can’t be a woMAN…

or a feMALE.

or a perSON.

Or a huMAN being.

Oh my! Should we ban those words, too?

Maybe I’ll just go with XX from now on.

And what about those letters, Washington State?

You know, I've been thinking…

That Q looks a little too male for my taste.

I think it should go, don’t you?

And Y – only guys have Y chromosomes, so…

Outta here!

Actually, I know what should be outta here –

Legislators, get out of the word business.

After all, when we finally ban ALL of the words and letters that can potentially offend a hu*** per*** (believe me, I've worked as a therapist – there is NO END to the list of things folks can get worked up over or break down about) –

Take a good, long look at what remains…

PROMPT:  Warning to all writers –

If you are going to put pen to page, you are going to offend someone.

Guaranteed.

  

“The writer who is a real writer is a rebel who never stops.”

~William Saroyan

Get your rebel on!

Um… can someone, like, post my bail?

7 Steps to Writing Success

1. Show up.

2. Start Anywhere.

3. Write NOW!

4. Lean into it.

5. Read. Read. Read.

6. Don’t give up – give hugs instead.

7. Buy a pug.

Okay, okay, that last one is optional.

But you don’t have to listen to me.

Let’s see what Ray has to say…

“Just write every day of your life. Read intensely. 

Then see what happens. 

Most of my friends who are put on that diet 

have very pleasant careers.”

~Ray Bradbury

Yeah, Ray thought the pugs were optional, too.

PROMPT: Use the 7 steps to ROCK that May goal.

May I Help You?

Mayday, Mayday, Mayday! Your manuscript is calling you!

It’s been many moons since NaNoWriMo, and summer is just around the corner.

Well, you know what that means…

May is the perfect month to kick some writing booty!

To accomplish this, let’s take a tip from those biggy wiggies of the business world. Many of those coffee-slugging movers and over-caffeinated shakers use a nifty goal-setting acronym –

SMART

And we’re talking smart as in intelligent, NOT smart as in ouch.

The SMART plan goes like this:

S – Make sure your goal is SPECIFIC. “I am going to produce three new chapters” or “I am going to revise my entire manuscript” are two terrific specific goals.

M is for MEASURABLE. When it comes to carrying out the goal mentioned above, how do you plan to go about it? Word counts, page counts, and minutes are great ways to measure progress. “I am going to write for 15 minutes a day every day” or “I am going to produce 500 words every day” will get the job done.

A – Make sure your steps are ACHIEVABLE. Do yourself a favor and ditch the “I will write four hours a day come Hell or high water” goal. Err on the itty bitty step side – you get to say “YAY!” more often, and “YAY!” is always fun.

R – The business world says this stands for relevant, but I say it stands for ROCKS! Make sure your goal fires you up! Otherwise, what the heck is the point? Please refer to the “YAY!” bit above.

T is for TIME-BOUND. This one is easy squeezy because we’ve already established it. These are May goals. And conveniently, May rhymes with “YAY!” (See above).

There you have it – SMART!

Feel the POWER of rising IQ points!

But hey, if you don’t want to be SMART, you can always celebrate May some other way –

It is National Better Sleep Month, after all.

PROMPT: Get SMART or get a whole lotta sleep. Your call.

They’re Everywhere!

I have just returned from a fabulous biking-camping island adventure.

Such an excursion now holds the top spot on the “highly recommended” list–

What a wonderful way to fill the artist/writer well!

Well…

Wouldn’t you know it, as I stopped at the Ferry terminal to grab a coffee for the road… I mean sea… a very special sign caught my eye –

Writing prompts –

Wherever you go, there they are!

PROMPT: have you ever made a bad decision that would make a good story? Everyone has. But if you’d rather not think about that cringe-worthy time when you… spray-painted the fence next to the new blue car or used that "empty" hornets’ nest as a piñata… then go ahead and give a really bad decision to one of your characters. He or she won’t mind. Characters LIVE for this sort of thing, after all.