Recently, the great state of Washington made headlines when it went on a little tear to make all state laws gender-neutral.
Apparently, the words freshman, fisherman, and penmanship have been banned.
Now we can only be first-year students and fishers engaged in handwriting here in the Evergreen State.
You see, somebody’s feelings might get hurt if we use those other words.
Well, here’s my take –
If being called a “freshman” is going to turn you into a non-functioning human curled up in a fetal position and crying for your mama –
You need therapy.
Meanwhile, how many of those “sensitive” freshmen out there are at this very moment merrily singing along to every rap song featuring words that sound like garden tools or rhyme with “itches?”
Oh, and regarding the word updates, one National Women’s Law Center senior adviser said, “This is important in changing hearts and minds.”
Yep, I’m pretty sure penmanship is making a BIG impact on hearts and minds.
So where do we stop, Ms. Adviser?
I mean, I’m not sure what to call myself right now.
Surely, I can’t be a woMAN…
or a feMALE.
or a perSON.
Or a huMAN being.
Oh my! Should we ban those words, too?
Maybe I’ll just go with XX from now on.
And what about those letters, Washington State?
You know, I've been thinking…
That Q looks a little too male for my taste.
I think it should go, don’t you?
And Y – only guys have Y chromosomes, so…
Actually, I know what should be outta here –
Legislators, get out of the word business.
After all, when we finally ban ALL of the words and letters that can potentially offend a hu*** per*** (believe me, I've worked as a therapist – there is NO END to the list of things folks can get worked up over or break down about) –
Take a good, long look at what remains…
PROMPT: Warning to all writers –
If you are going to put pen to page, you are going to offend someone.
“The writer who is a real writer is a rebel who never stops.”
Get your rebel on!
Um… can someone, like, post my bail?