This is a pet.
This is NOT.
Goldfish are NOT pets.
Trust me, I would know.
When I was very young, I wanted a dog of my very own.
So, I wished.
One Christmas I even pulled out all the stops – I put a plastic dog under the tree and willed Santa to make it real.
Santa had other ideas.
That dang dog was still a petroleum-based product in the morning.
And I got a Betsy Wetsy instead.
If you don’t know what a Betsy Wetsy is – thank your lucky stars. Because if Santa thought that he could change me from a doll-loathing to a doll-loving child, this was definitely NOT the doll for the job. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is more unpleasant than a lap full of doll pee.
Anyway, in retrospect I realize that the whole “make my plastic dog real” idea would have never worked out anyway. “Buster” was a miniature dachshund model and most likely would have been disposed of by the cat before sunrise.
More wishing, asking, and begging ensued. And somewhere along the line, my parents decided that a goldfish would satisfy my dog dreams.
Yeah. Dream on.
So, they bought me a bowl, some flakes, and a bug-eyed fish…
1) Have you ever tried to play catch with a goldfish?
2) Have you ever taken a goldfish for a walk?
3) Have you ever actually “pet” a goldfish?
Well, I have.
And here’s what I know…
1) They do NOT like ping pong balls thrown into their bowls.
2) A LOT of water sloshes out – not recommended.
3) DO NOT DO THIS!
Sadly, number 3 is a fatal activity. And I’d like to say that I caught on to the petting = death connection with Charlie #1, but I was only 5 years old at the time. So, after Charlie #1 there was Charlie the Second, Charlie the Third, Charlie the Fourth, and Denise.
I owe an awful lot to Denise. She helped me figure out that I wasn’t simply dealing with a “Charlie” curse. So, she was the one who taught me that goldfish are NOT pets because (Duh!) you cannot actually pet them. She also helped my parents clue in to the fact that maybe I really did need a dog.
And so one wonderful, sunny, October day my dad came home from work with a puppy.
He was the perfect pet.
except for that time we played seeing-eye-dog and he ran me into a tree.
Other than that –
PROMPT: Having a pet will boost your creativity! Okay, I made that one up. However, research does show that pet owners are happier than those without a furry friend. And we all learned yesterday what HAPPINESS spells. Also, pets lower blood pressure – and May is National High Blood Pressure Awareness Month! Be aware! Get a pet! But remember –
Goldfish are NOT pets. And since you’ve asked…
Neither are anacondas, for goodness sake.