Not Half Bad… Really Bad

Here at the Mind’s Elbow, I spend a lot of time worrying over words and fretting over phrases.

Not today…

For I've got less than a month to create the worst sentence of my life!

Why don’t you join me?

Admit it, you've always dreamed of entering a contest that rewarded bad writing for a change.

Well, dream no more.

All you need is one agonizingly long, painfully poorly-written sentence by June 30^th.

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, put on by the San Jose State University English Department, has been going strong since 1982.

Their website describes it as a whimsical literary competition challenging entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.

For inspiration, look no further than the contest’s namesake.

Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is the guy who penned this famous line back in 1830 —

  

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents —

except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”

If you have a headache right now, you are not alone.

So, get your wretched writing game on and check out last year’s winners here.

By the way, Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is also credited with this famous line —

“The pen is mightier than the sword!”

And with killer sentences like his…

I don’t doubt it one bit.

PROMPT: Hmmm… It was a shark and stormy night… Yep — Sharknado: The Literary Edition.

Write (poorly) on!

Short and Sweet

Would you like to celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week AND win a nifty key chain?

This week, the online magazine Smith is sponsoring a writing contest about teachers.

The catch?

You can only use six words.

You see, Smith is famous for its six-word memoir challenge —

The clever test of wordsmithing based on an old tale about Earnest Hemingway.

Legend has it that Mr. H. once made a bet that he could write a complete story in only six words.

His winning tale?

For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn.

While it’s most likely that the legend itself is actually a work of fiction, you can bet your bottom dollar that the six-word story is a terrific writing exercise.

Here are few fun memoir examples to get you in the swing —

The miserable childhood leads to royalties.

~ Frank McCourt

 Well, I thought it was funny.

~Stephen Colbert

Couldn't cope so I wrote songs.

~Aimee Mann

Mine?

Grew taller. But, alas, never matured.

And for all of the wonderful teachers in my life —

What?! They DON’T live at school??

PROMPT: Enter this week’s six-word teacher appreciation contest here. Or if memoir is more your cup of tea, enter your super six-word life story here.

Who knows? You might win a fabulous prize or end up in Smith’s next compilation! For inspiration, pick up a copy of Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure edited by Rachel Fershleiser and Larry Smith.

And how can I resist a “six pack” of instructions just for you?

Life’s all material — so write on!

Share the Joy!

Do you have a YESvember goal?

If not, this may be something that lights your creative fire!

Out there in the real world, 20% of US teens and adults lack basic literacy skills.

Imagine, if you will, that you are one of those folks. While you might certainly want to improve your reading ability, how many “See Jane run” or “Look at the big, red ball” books would you be able to bear?

Obviously, there is a serious lack of exciting, fun, and age-appropriate content in the marketplace for these future bookworms.

Well, there are some great organizations who want to change this, and they've created a contest that just might be right for you.

Story Share seeks to "inspire US writers to author engaging stories for people over the age of 13 who read at a beginning or intermediate level."

And they are laying $50,000 in prizes on the line to do it!

For more details, here’s the link. They even have topic ideas and great examples of the kinds of stories they’re seeking.

Remember to read the rules carefully, as it looks like you must give up all rights to the work you submit. However, on the positive side, contests such as these are often a great way to break into the business.

So, check it out and decide if this contest-with-a-cause is right for you.

All entries are due on December 8, so you know what they were thinking…

YESvember!

PROMPT: 

Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?

 ~Frank Scully

That’s a Lot of Bul…

Bulwer-Lytton, that is.

Have you ever wanted to enter a contest that rewarded bad writing?

Admit it, you know you have.

Well, today is your lucky day.

All you need is one agonizingly long, painfully poorly-written sentence by June 30^th.

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, put on by the San Jose State University English Department, has been going strong since 1982. Their website describes it as a whimsical literary competition challenging entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.

For inspiration, look no further than the contest’s namesake.

Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is the guy who penned this famous line back in 1830 —

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents —

except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”

If you have a headache right now, you are not alone.

So, get your wretched writing game on and check out last year’s winners here.

By the way, Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is also credited with this famous line —

“The pen is mightier than the sword!”

And with killer sentences like his…

I don’t doubt it one bit.

PROMPT: It was a stark and dormy night… Get your entry ready today!

Do You Haiku?

Haiku

Black and white and read

These seventeen syllables

Feed my hungry soul

Yes, we’re still celebrating National Poetry Month!

If you've been dragging your lyrical feet and have yet to put your poetic pen to page, then today is the day to clear your conscience! You, too, can Haiku!

Remember long, long ago when you were first learning to print words with those chubby pencils and fat-lined paper? Well, that was probably around the time you wrote your first Haiku. Haiku has always been one of the stones teachers use to kill two Language Arts birds at the same time – poetry and syllables. Score!

While you may not have kept the little gem you wrote way back then, it most likely went something like this –

Toad

Rude green hoppy thing

Peeing when children catch me

Talking loud in burps

Okay, maybe your first Haiku wasn’t like this, but Richie Richendifer insisted that it followed our teacher’s recipe.

“Describe something in nature,” Miss Henry said. “And remember the 5-7-5 rule. Use 5 syllables for the first line, 7 syllables for the second line, and 5 syllables for the last line, and you will make a great Haiku.”

“Gesundheit!” said Richie Richendifer… for the 87th time that day.

Even if you haven’t wielded a chubby pencil in years, you can follow Miss Henry’s fabulous recipe for your own Haiku stew. And you don’t really have to stick with the nature part. You’re welcome to use your mind’s elbow to bend and stretch that rule the way my son once did with this poetic offering –

Bad Haiku

Bad poem this is

It is extremely boring

Wait… was that too long?

Yeah.

Nuts never fall far from the tree.

PROMPT: Haiku! Haiku! It’s what we've got to do! Yep, I’m pretty sure the 7 Dwarfs sang these work song words every April – now you can, too…

AND, as an added bonus, your Haiku can pay off – BIG TIME!

ANNOUNCING THE SCBWI SUMMER CONFERENCE SCHOLARSHIP!

Are you an SCBWI member who's been pining to attend the Summer Conference in LA, but can't find the money?  Fairy Godsisters Ink, a group of five talented (and generous) writers, is offering a $1,000 scholarship to a talented (and deserving) individual.

The conference takes place from Aug. 2-5 at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza Hotel in Los Angeles, and it can really jump-start your writing career.  Interested?  Just follow the Godsisters's instructions:

"To enter, write at least one but no more than three haiku telling us why we should pick you for this year's conference. Have some fun with this!"

Email your entry to: fairygodsistersink@gmail.com by April 15^th (Yes, there’s still time!).

Winners will be announced on May 1st. For more information here’s the link.

GOOD LUCK!