Jiggety Ever After

“Everything will be all right in the end… If it’s not all right
then it’s not the end.”

~ Sonny in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Everybody loves a happy ending. Come on, admit it — you know it’s true.

Shakespeare knew it, too.

Sure, he wrote a bunch of tragedies — about a dozen of them, in fact.

And hmmmm… let’s see, the body count ranges from one to four in the final scene for most.

I've recently had the opportunity to see one of them — Julius Caesar. Now, that’s a bloody mess if ever there was one! And when all was said and done, the play ended with one body and a blackout of the stage lights.

Whoa.

That’s what it felt like…

Whoa.

However, back in Shakespeare’s day, things were done a little differently. In the Globe, where most of his plays were premiered, there was no curtain to close and no fancy blackouts, so those final scenes were nothing but slaughter on the stage.

What to do? What to do?

The answer —

A jig!

Yes, jig… as in lively, happy dance!

If I had experienced Julius Caesar at the Globe, Brutus would have leaped up and danced a merry jig with Antony and Octavius. Romeo and Juliet would have done the same. And all four bodies from Hamlet would have resurrected in a jolly way to the sounds of a happy tune.

And so, whenever a play ended — no matter how gory — the audience smiled! The audience laughed! The audience clapped and danced along!

What’s more —

The audience went home happy…

and more than willing to return

to shell out shillings for another good time.

You were a shrewd one, Willy… wickedly shrewd.

PROMPT: Create a happy ending today. Perhaps you could rewrite a few tragedies just for a bit of cheery fun. However, if you wish to keep your blue funk, then I suggest you learn to jig. Remember bawling your eyes out to Toy Story 3? Well, err… maybe that was just me. Anyway, I’m sure you remember Jessie and Spanish-mode Buzz’s paso doble to Hay Un Amigo En Mi during the end credits. Well, that is what dried my tears and sent me home smiling.

Trust me, the jig still works.

Feel the Need for Speed

Ernest Hemingway wrote The Sun Also Rises in six weeks.

William Faulkner also needed just six weeks to write As I Lay Dying.

Jack Kerouac wrote On the Road in only three weeks.

Then again, he was on drugs.

However, Ray Bradbury wrote Fahrenheit 451 in nine measly days…

and he was most definitely NOT on drugs.

He was just a highly motivated new dad who was seriously strapped for cash. So he went to the local library with a sack full of dimes and rented a typewriter for 20 cents an hour. His “dime novel” cost him $9.80.

I’m thinking it was worth it.

Anyway, the whole point here is to try something new this week.

When you sit down to work on your book, set your timer, then —

Write FAST!

Do not stop.

Do not think.

Do not even breathe.

Well, okay, I guess you can breathe.

Speed writing is the BEST way to override the naggy editor that lives inside your head.

You know, the one that looks a lot like Gollum from The Hobbit, but has much better grammar.

Yeah, I've got one too.

But I think we should put off that editor until next week.

Sure, Precious is going to get all cranky about it…

Tough beans.

And, seriously — take me up on this one.

It may be the ONLY time you ever see me suggest procrastination.

PROMPT: Write FAST right NOW! Try this method on your current project all week long. And hey, you might want to strap on that seat belt. You’re going places… and it just might be a wild ride!

Don’t Be Afraid of the D-A-R-K

Maurice Sendak would have been 86 today. So, let’s take a moment or two to celebrate the life he muscled through.

Apparently this talented writer and artist, who delivered delight to so many childhoods, had a dreadful one of his own. In fact, in one interview he said the best way to describe his childhood was “D-A-R-K.”

First off, he was a very sickly kid who spent most of his time in bed. This was in the midst of The Great Depression, which made the outside world pretty grim, as well. On top of all that, stability wasn't a big part of the Sendak family plan.

Maurice reported that his family moved often. Why? Because his mother could not bear the smell of fresh paint. Every time a landlord wanted to spruce up the place, they had to go. Of course, Mom’s “instability” made life difficult in other ways, too.

Then World War II came along, and the Sendaks were driven even further into despair as many of their European relatives perished in the Holocaust.

Yes, that is D-A-R-K.

And my heart goes out to the little Maurice who lived through it.

It makes you wonder what one does with darkness like that.

Well, here’s what Maurice did…

From the confines of his bed, he honed his drawing skills. Chaos and gloom may have surrounded him, but he held fast to bright dreams of a better life. Then he used the darkness itself to transform into something completely different —

a Caldecott Medal winner.

Remember those monsters in Where the Wild Things Are? Maurice says they were all inspired by the batty family members who “hovered like a pack of middle-aged gargoyles” over his childhood sickbed.

DARKNESS.

We all have it.

It’s what we do with it that counts.

PROMPT: If you've got life, no doubt you've got darkness. But never, never forget — it can always be used to create something beautiful.

Create something beautiful today.

Not Half Bad… Really Bad

Here at the Mind’s Elbow, I spend a lot of time worrying over words and fretting over phrases.

Not today…

For I've got less than a month to create the worst sentence of my life!

Why don’t you join me?

Admit it, you've always dreamed of entering a contest that rewarded bad writing for a change.

Well, dream no more.

All you need is one agonizingly long, painfully poorly-written sentence by June 30^th.

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, put on by the San Jose State University English Department, has been going strong since 1982.

Their website describes it as a whimsical literary competition challenging entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.

For inspiration, look no further than the contest’s namesake.

Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is the guy who penned this famous line back in 1830 —

  

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents —

except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”

If you have a headache right now, you are not alone.

So, get your wretched writing game on and check out last year’s winners here.

By the way, Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is also credited with this famous line —

“The pen is mightier than the sword!”

And with killer sentences like his…

I don’t doubt it one bit.

PROMPT: Hmmm… It was a shark and stormy night… Yep — Sharknado: The Literary Edition.

Write (poorly) on!

My, Oh Maya

In all my work, I try to say —

'You may be given a load of sour lemons,

why not try to make a dozen lemon meringue pies?'

—   Maya Angelou

  

How I miss her already.

This little blue planet is not the same without her…

It’s a whole lot bluer.

But still, it’s a time to celebrate a life well-lived…

And a woman who did not leave this world with her soul’s music caged inside.

So, I thought I would repost the Angelou inspiration that I wrote for April’s poetry celebration…

Today we’re celebrating Maya Angelou, a writer who had the good sense to be born in National Poetry Month.

When you consider that she achieved international success as a poet, memoirist, novelist, educator, historian, and filmmaker — there’s obviously a whole lot there to celebrate!

So, what exactly was her secret?

Well, Ms. Angelou reported that even though she lived in a fine, large home, she also rented a hotel room in town. She had all of the paintings and decorations removed from the space, so it was a lot like the blank page all writers must confront each day. In fact, the only items she kept in the room were a dictionary, a thesaurus, and a Bible.

Every morning she headed off to her hotel writing room at about 6:00 in the morning. There, she used only ballpoint pens and yellow pads to write for about six or seven hours.

So within those hours, did everything that spilled from the pen of this award-winning honorary doctorate recipient effuse perfection?

Of course not.

As Maya put it:

"What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks ‘the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat.’ And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I try. When I’m writing, I write. And then it’s as if the muse is convinced that I’m serious and says, 'Okay. Okay. I’ll come.'"

She also said:

“I wrote some of the worst poetry west from the Mississippi River, but I wrote. And I finally sometimes got it right.”

And here’s my favorite:

“Of course, there are those critics — New York critics as a rule — who say, ‘Well, Maya Angelou has a new book out and of course it’s good but then she’s a natural writer.’ Those are the ones I want to grab by the throat and wrestle to the floor because it takes me forever to get it to sing… It must look easy, but it takes me forever to get it to look so easy.”

There you have it — Maya Angelou’s recipe for success.

So celebrate her today by whipping up a batch of it for yourself —

Create your own special space, and then…

Just write.

Happy travels, Maya.

Godspeed.

PROMPT: If life has handed you lemons, use them to create a fine meringue pie or pound cake. Remember, it’s ALL material. Then try making this your new daily mantra — just write, just write, just write. And before you know it, those words of yours are bound to sing…

just right.

Dear Me

What if you wrote a letter to your younger self?

What would it say?

Authors E. Kristin Anderson and Miranda Kenneally decided to write letters to their teenage selves. They posted them, and then invited other authors to do the same. So began the website Dear Teen Me. Check it out for inspiration.

Now add a different twist…

Abracadabra, you are 107!

What would your 107-year-old self write to the you of today?

PROMPT: Dear Me…

Today is a Great Day to…

“You can do anything you set your mind to.”

— Benjamin Franklin

Good old Ben “Jammin” Franklin.

Hmmm… What did he know?

Well, he knew how to read French, Spanish, Latin, and Italian — all self-taught, by the way. He invented a bunch of stuff like bifocals, a stove, and the first flexible urinary catheter. Then there was that whole electricity thing. He even had to invent a bunch of words like battery and conductor to describe what he was doing with that. Heck, I’m thinking that if he had lived just a few more years and set his mind to it, the man would have come up with Twitter as well.

But setting your mind to something isn't just for old dead guys who lived back in the dinosaur days. Plenty of people today set their minds to things and find a way to do them.

In the children’s writing world, R.L. Stine, the author of the Goosebumps series is one of those mind-setting dudes. 

Stine started writing stories and jokes when he was only 9 years old. And being a typical 9-year-old of his day, he could not type for beans!

Did that stop him?

NO!

Because R.L. had set his mind to becoming a published author.

However, he never really set his mind to that typing bit.

And that is why R.L. Stine has the gnarliest, BAD-A index finger on the planet.

Yes, the man has written 300 books…

WITH ONE FINGER!

PROMPT: You only need one mind — set it! And one finger — use it!

Look out stars, here we come!

By the way, if you wish to see the famous finger (it is worth it, trust me), check out Library of the Early Mind — a fantastic documentary about children’s literature that’s chock-full of interviews with many famous children’s authors.

Yo Mama

Motherhood

It teaches you a few things…

Like how to open a stroller with your teeth.

That zone defense stinks. Man-to-man is the only way to go.

And that you can achieve perfection…

in your efforts to mimic the voice of Goofy.

Only to be asked to use it in every conversation

for an entire year.

You learn that relief is always temporary…

Your next gig?

Oscar the Grouch.

You realize that those fascinating psychological studies revealed NOTHING about the real-world effects of sleep deprivation.

Because in the real world, you find yourself ending phone conversations with “Love you” no matter who is on the line…

Pediatric nurse

Neighbor

The cable guy.

You stumble around for days not knowing the season or year.

You use the dog’s name when speaking to your child.

And you lose your keys 87,000 times —

only to find them lurking in the strangest places…

The file cabinet under “S”

The freezer

Your hand.

Good thing the Devil never shows up —

because you become the kind of person who would gladly hand over her soul AND the 401(k) for a 20-minute nap.

You discover that hazmat suits are for sissies —

a person can actually have continual exposure to bodily fluids and live to tell the tale.

And tell the tale you will — to anyone, no matter who, no matter where…

Graduations

Weddings

Funerals.

Miss Manners be damned.

Graduate school?

Turns out, that was a cakewalk.

And unless your advanced degree was in choo choos or birdies, nobody you work with gives a hoot.

Yeah, I’m still stumbling my way through the mommy years.

I've done well enough to reach the “teen” level.

And this is a tough one —

They've figured out that I have no idea what I’m doing.

Even so, I've done okay.

How do I know?

If I were in a maturity contest and pitted against my own offspring…

They would win.

PROMPT:  Erma Bombeck made an entire writing career out of motherhood. So, if you mother something — be it human, hairy, or 

houseplant — you've got material. And hey, if you see a mother this weekend, give her a hug. Better yet — a nap.

Short and Sweet

Would you like to celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week AND win a nifty key chain?

This week, the online magazine Smith is sponsoring a writing contest about teachers.

The catch?

You can only use six words.

You see, Smith is famous for its six-word memoir challenge —

The clever test of wordsmithing based on an old tale about Earnest Hemingway.

Legend has it that Mr. H. once made a bet that he could write a complete story in only six words.

His winning tale?

For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn.

While it’s most likely that the legend itself is actually a work of fiction, you can bet your bottom dollar that the six-word story is a terrific writing exercise.

Here are few fun memoir examples to get you in the swing —

The miserable childhood leads to royalties.

~ Frank McCourt

 Well, I thought it was funny.

~Stephen Colbert

Couldn't cope so I wrote songs.

~Aimee Mann

Mine?

Grew taller. But, alas, never matured.

And for all of the wonderful teachers in my life —

What?! They DON’T live at school??

PROMPT: Enter this week’s six-word teacher appreciation contest here. Or if memoir is more your cup of tea, enter your super six-word life story here.

Who knows? You might win a fabulous prize or end up in Smith’s next compilation! For inspiration, pick up a copy of Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure edited by Rachel Fershleiser and Larry Smith.

And how can I resist a “six pack” of instructions just for you?

Life’s all material — so write on!