Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Rants in Your Pants


“The word I'm searching for…
I can't say because there's preschool toys present."
~Woody (Toy Story)


Has anyone ever annoyed you?

Say it isn't so!

If you've done any time on the planet, you know there are going to be those rare occasions when somebody ticks you off.

Okay, okay, some of you may have these occasions more often than “rare.”

Anyway, isn't it amazing how you can think of 47 awesome comebacks only when the “ticker offer” is likely sleeping soundly at 2:00AM and you’re in bed stewing?

Well, stew no more!

Today is the day those comebacks are going to come in handy.

Make a somebody’s done somebody wrong list and then spout off —

On the page.


Because everybody knows that preschool toys can’t read.

  
PROMPT: All those things you've really wanted to say? Let ‘em rip in writing today. Trust me, one of your characters is going to need them one of these days.


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

That’s a Lot of Bul…



Bulwer-Lytton, that is.

Have you ever wanted to enter a contest that rewarded bad writing?

Admit it, you know you have.

Well, today is your lucky day.

All you need is one agonizingly long, painfully poorly-written sentence by June 30th.

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, put on by the San Jose State University English Department, has been going strong since 1982. Their website describes it as a whimsical literary competition challenging entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.

For inspiration, look no further than the contest’s namesake.

Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is the guy who penned this famous line back in 1830 —


“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents —
except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”


If you have a headache right now, you are not alone.

So, get your wretched writing game on and check out last year’s winners here.

By the way, Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is also credited with this famous line —

“The pen is mightier than the sword!”


And with killer sentences like his…

I don’t doubt it one bit.



PROMPT: It was a stark and dormy night… Get your entry ready today!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Here Kitty Kitty



Time spent with cats is never wasted.
~Sigmund Freud


June is Adopt-a-Cat Month!

And everybody knows that cats and writers go together like Q and U.

Hemingway had as many as 23 cats at any given time.

And Mark Twain once said, “I simply can’t resist a cat, particularly a purring one.”

Well, neither should you.

I have two cats who provide oodles of writerly inspiration.

To protect their sensitive feline identities, I will call them Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Thing 1 is the official office mascot. He is here to provide continual loving support from his nifty desk basket…



And a little office humor from other places as needed…



Thing 2 is the story maker. It helps that he’s one of those bad luck kitties…




And he has quite a few quirks that are— shall we say— inspiring.

You may recall from a previous post, that he’s the one who will ignore every single stuffed animal in the house except for the unicorn

Because the UNICORN.MUST.DIE…



More recently, he has had some difficulty adjusting to the new flat screen TV.

So, it was no surprise that the yellow flags during the recent Indy 500 were caused by… CatZILLA!



Yeah, I’m pretty sure that right about now you need no further convincing.

So, ramp up your writing game by adopting a cat this month…

After all, there’s no better way to find a great mews.


PROMPT: Get your mews on with a terrific cat tale. If you've ever had a feline friend, I’m sure you've got a story. What’s yours?

Friday, May 31, 2013

What’s Your Window?



When I look out of my office window, I see a new fence and a garden with its first flush of green. Beyond that is a kite-flying field where a helicopter once landed — out of the blue.

Unless you’re presently serving time in an office cubicle or the state pen, I’m pretty sure you have a window, too. 

Take a gander out of yours. 

What do you see? I bet I know…

Stories…

Poems…

Paintings…

And musical compositions!

Any time you need a super-fast jump-start on any artistic endeavor, just remember that glassy gap in the wall.

No window?

No worries! There’s a figurative window, too. And you always have that one, no matter where you roam.

Part of its view is often occupational.

As a writer, I typically see ideas for articles, stories, or poems out of this little porthole of mine — regardless of the scenery.

But I didn't always have this view.

Back when I was a neuropsychology intern, I used a much different sort of window. When I viewed the world through that pane, I saw…

Brain damage!

Yep, I could have been looking at a tree, a piano, or a house cat, but trust me, it had impairment potential. My coworkers and I often joked that it was a miracle we could even get through our days unscathed — walking around in the world as we did without helmets or suits of bubble wrap.

Of course, we were all pretty sleep-deprived.

Meanwhile, the psychiatry residents were “catching” every mental illness through their occupational windows. And one nurse on the burn unit refused to use a stove... “It’s not dinner, if it’s not microwavable!” She would say with a fist pump.

Of course, my fellow interns and I didn't pipe up about all of the brain-damaging chemicals that are potentially released via microwave cookery.

Anyway, occupational or otherwise, it should be no big surprise that the figurative window you look out through, determines your outlook on life.

Here's an example from literature…

“Good morning, Pooh Bear,” said Eeyore gloomily.
 “If it is a good morning,” he said.
“Which I doubt.”

Yet here’s a different window in the very same house –

“The sky is perfect blue. 
The clouds are perfect, too.
And here I am with you!
What could be more right?”
 sang Winnie the Pooh.

Ah, poor Eeyore – forever suffering…

from a wee bit of window “pain.”



PROMPT: What’s outside your window? This is a great place to start a bit of art. Then try somebody else’s view for a change. How do farmers see the world? Astronauts? Slugs? What does that garden see, when it looks back at me? Hmmm….

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Let it Shine!



Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.

~Louisa May Alcott


PROMPT: What are your highest aspirations? 

Take some time out today to notice their beauty, shed the doubt, and take a step in their direction.

Yeah, it’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.