Countdown to T-Day

Today is the day.

Yeah, I’m going to pull on my boots, don a flannel shirt, and go all Pa Ingalls. I’ve got 10 people coming for dinner next Thursday, and this girl needs a turkey.

Of course, I’ll be packing a credit card instead of a muzzle loader. But still. Trust me, the turkey competition here in the Northwest has got to be just as stiff as anything the Big Woods ever delivered…

Except here you’re usually intercepted by wonderful, well-meaning folks who think that Friday in the frozen food aisle is a fine time and place for a lecture on why you should choose organic, or free-range, or all-vegetarian-diet turkeys. Regarding that last one, I will try to refrain from launching into my own mini lecture that goes something like this –

TURKEYS ARE NOT VEGETARIANS!!!

I hate to break it to you, but turkeys eat BUGS! And last time I checked, BUGS were not vegetables. So how do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your all-vegetarian-diet turkey NEVER ate a bug?

At this point, most folks just back away slowly, so I seize the moment, haul an 85-pounder out of the freezer case, and make a break for the checkout stand.

But really, this post is not about how to ward off well-meaning (but menacing) turkey lovers.

It’s really about cooking with children’s books.

You see, every year the folks who eat T-day dinner at my place wonder how I manage to make it all taste so good (face it, NO one assumes that writers know diddly about cooking).

Well, it’s time for the big reveal –

The Little House Cookbook by Barbara M. Walker.

But I’ll warn you right now –

It is chock-full of politically incorrect words like…

FAT

LARD

BACON DRIPPINGS

CREAM

And BUTTER.

Honestly, it’s a wonder that this book isn’t banned in New York. Thankfully, it makes no mention of BIG GULPS.

But you can bet your Ingalls’ bootstraps that EVERYTHING tastes better with BACON and BUTTER…

Probably even BUGS.

PROMPT: Whether we’re talking schlopp, schlopp beautiful schlopp à la Seuss or ox tails à la Ingalls, cooking with children’s books is the best. Cook up your own bit of beastly feast by writing about tasty treats today. But be warned – getting this exactly right can be dangerous! I, for one, cannot read LIW’s Farmer Boy without gaining at least 12 pounds.