Vegislation

There’s been a lot going on this week in our nation’s highest court. I’ve spent some time reading the argument transcripts, and while most of it is a sure cure for insomnia, Justice Scalia certainly had my attention when he stated “…you can make people buy broccoli.”

The discussion continued and “broccoli” was mentioned a whopping 7 more times!

I’m pretty sure they’re cooking up a broccoli mandate.

Well, it won’t be the first time that our government has engaged in plant implantation. Clearly, they created Popeye as pro-spinach propaganda.

Have you ever heard an elected official deny that?

Neither have I.

And what about the school lunch program? It’s been overhauled, as well. Why, I remember with great fondness those heady days when tater tots qualified as vegetables, and we ate them (when we weren’t throwing them) 5 days a week.

I turned out fine.

Well… mostly.

Anyway, it should be obvious to all of us that there’s an administrative agenda committed to vegetable consumption.

But I ask you – If vegetables are so great, why is “vegetative state” such a bad thing to be?

And if God wanted us to eat vegetables, why did he make so many of them green? That has got to be the most unappetizing color on the planet. Nobody likes to eat green. Trust me, if they did, every single breakfast cereal box would be word-shouting, “Now in Great-Tasting GREEN!” or “Grab Some Whole Grain GREEN Goodness” or “It’s GREEN-a-licious!”

But, alas, Washington’s plantatious plan is working.

In 2005 even Cookie Monster crumbled. He is now an advocate for healthy eating. Instead of “C is for Cookie” he sings “Cookie is a Sometimes Food”. You just wait. “C is for Carrot” is right around the corner, folks.

Luckily, kids can smell a lie 17 miles away. Kids understand a maniacal love of cookies. But even a three year old knows that getting yourself in a frenzy over a bag of carrots is whack.

And come on – if a maniacal love for vegetables makes you hairy and blue, then pass me the Oreos!

However, the Supreme Court knows that vegetation legislation will eventually win us all over to the dark and leafy side.

First Cookie Monster.

Now me.

After being subjected to produce propaganda for 40-plus years, I’ll admit that I now experience a certain delight in serving spinach to children. And when asked to participate in a potluck, there have been times, I confess, that I’ve contributed… the vegetable plate. And here’s the scariest thing of all – this weekend, my totally fun and fabulous plans involve…(gasp!)

planting peas.

PROMPT: Vegetables are fun and fabulous topics for children’s books! Get some food for thought by reading Monsters Don’t Eat Broccoli by Barbara Jean Hicks (illustrated by Sue Hendra), or The Celery Stalks at Midnight by James Howe. You can also kick back and enjoy the “O’ Lonely Peas” track on Sandra Boynton’s Rhinoceros Tap. Before you know it, you’ll be as cool as a cucumber, as spectacular as spinach, and even as Supreme-Court-worthy-brilliant as broccoli.