I’m pretty sure that one will be arriving any day now.
They always do this time of year.
And I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I am not a fruitcake fan.
Neither is my husband…
Or my son.
My daughter, however, is a different story.
The girl loves fruitcake.
And I’m pretty sure this scientifically proves that fruitcake-loving is a recessive gene.
But here’s another thing I’ve noticed about fruitcake lovers —
They’re pretty passionate about that cement-textured fruity goodness.
In fact, I've found that most of them become highly offended by fruitcake criticism.
It’s strange isn't’t it?
I mean, if you think chocolate absolutely, totally stinks, you won’t see me getting my knickers in a twist. No way. I’d be too busy thinking — Great! More for me!
Not so with the fruitcake fancier. Even as I type this, I can sense them rearing up — ready to impale me with comment darts below.
I’m thinking it’s a good bet that the recessive fruitcake-loving gene is somehow linked with the gene for culinary defensiveness.
But I do digress.
At any rate, I am thrilled by my daughter’s fervor for fruitcake. I will be delighted by her delight when I lob that weighty little package her way.
Maybe I’ll even dig up some of the others for her.
You know, the ones I used to make book shelves…
Steady the filing cabinet…
Anchor the tarps on the woodpile…
PROMPT: On what side of the fruitcake gene pool does your main character swim? Painters — wouldn't fruitcake be the perfect still life subject? Think of it, you could work on this masterpiece for years without refrigeration. Poets and musicians — how ‘bout a carol? Get some inspiration from Barbara Rittenhouse and Leigh Anna Reichenbach who wrote this lovely ode to an old familiar tune —
In the bleak midwinter
Sitting all alone
In a breadbox on the shelf
Fruitcake hard as stone.
No one dares to taste it —
Or remove the bow
For we know that it was made
Oh so long ago…
Find the rest in the book Santa’s Pants are Falling Down and Other Silly Songs of the Season… sure to bring a smile to your face, even if you’re one of those serious fruitcake fans.