Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The Most Important Meal of the Day

Breakfast aisle circa 1970

I was raised on Red Dye No. 2 and white sugar.

You see, back in the early 70s, before the granola people began serving up twigs and gravel as part of a balanced breakfast, kids had morning motivators like…


I started every single day with a hefty bowl of KABOOM.

And I’m pretty sure it was 180% sugar.

Obviously, we didn't have the Food Pyramid or that fancy new Food Plate back then.

We had the “Four Food Groups”…

and each and every one of them was topped with about six inches of refined sugar.

It wasn't a big deal.

In fact, everybody was pretty frank about it.

Those “Pops” and “Smacks” you see in the breakfast aisle today once carried the honest labels of “Sugar Pops” and “Sugar Smacks,” and get this —

Moms actually bought them!

And we actually ate them!

Of course, we were bouncing off the walls by 8:05 AM, but our schools had something called “recess” to handle that.

Truth be told, there was an unsweetened part of the morning meal —

those luscious lumps of toxic dye.

And hey, so far I have suffered no ill effects.

Sure, I can read by the glow of my intestines…

But really —

I’m fine.

PROMPT: What crazy era have you survived? Are you a part of the “no seat belts — no problem” crowd? Take some time out today to write about those years spent in the dark ages. For inspiration, pick up The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson — his hilarious take on being a child of the 50’s. Warning: to avoid embarrassment, do not read it while drinking milk (with or without KABOOM).

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