Update

It’s been exactly nine months since my last post, and I thought it was high time for an update.

Because nine months is a fabulous wedge of time, isn't it? After all, it’s the exact portion of a year that can morph a good idea into something squalling on its own.

So, it may come as no surprise to you that I've used the time to create a brand spanking new revision of a novel I've been toying with for years. And unlike human offspring who tend to hang around for a couple of decades, that baby was itching to leave the nest before the ink was dry. And so, I sent it out the first chance I got, right?

Nope.

First, I had it read by a couple of people with blood-red pens and hearts the size of raisins. Trust me, you need these folks. At this stage of the game they are far more helpful to you and your manuscript than the ones with hearts the size of Texas who dot their i’s with daisies.

After this set of suggestions was considered, and I had gone through the draft yet another time, I was then on the hunt for good listeners.

You can usually spot good listeners by their large ears and thoughtful expressions. However, this method is not fool-proof. For example, cats and jackasses are NOT good listeners. Behind that cat’s thoughtful expression is just a headful of notions about canned food and plots that may or may not involve your murder should it ever figure out how to work the can's pull-tab on its own. And jackasses…

Well, they’re jackasses.

Anyway, after finding a great batch of listeners who were willing to meet for a boatload of sessions, I read that whole dang novel OUT LOUD. I can’t really overemphasize the importance of this step. You will not believe how many little errors you’ll catch if you use it. It seems that the brain reading silently loves to patch things up as it hums along, but give it a voice and wow! You’ll find yourself wondering how you could have possibly missed that obvious mistake in your first 147 read-throughs.  

Finally, when that was all said (OUT LOUD) and done, the novel was ready to send off into the great big world where it will eventually receive its YES or NO.

Pop quiz time!

What do you do when you've completed and submitted your manuscript?

A. Check email, snail mail, and voice mail 317 times a day and look like this—

B. Get on with your next novel and look like this—

Well, I don’t know about you, but I chose option B. 

And so, I’m already knee-deep into chapter two of novel two — that’s the good news.

The bad news is that blog posts will continue to be on a pretty random cycle from here on out.

And now for an update on the home front:

Midway through the novel revision, my dear, sweet, elderly office mate abandoned the project (and life as we know it). Those were tough days indeed, and alas, he is still missed.

R.I.P

However, on a lighter note, I have since been blessed with two new colleagues. And while they do have actual names, and perhaps titles, I've dubbed them Thing 1 and Thing 2. I’m guessing you can see why…

 Obviously, they are a work in progress.

Aren't we all?

PROMPT: I’m placing bets that you have a mossy old manuscript stashed somewhere. Well, today is the day to dig it out and dust it off!

Oh, and don’t forget that it’s International Moment of Laughter Day (go ahead and Google if you must). This is sure to give you a jump-start on the celebration.

I think that's how we should all handle rejection letters, don’t you?

Independence Day

Today is a great day to declare your independence…

from adulthood.

Come on, just for today.

Trust me, there is no better way to boost your creativity…

Just ask any kid about his or her missing homework, and you’ll be blown away by imagination and inventiveness!

So get out the hula hoops, beach balls, and super soakers —

It’s a great day to PLAY!

PROMPT: WHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee!

Your Lucky Day

Be afraid! Be very afraid! It is Friday the (gulp) 13^th, and that can mean only one thing...

The highest grossing horror franchise in the U.S.A.

Apparently, the Friday the 13^th series has made over $650 million since it began its body count back in 1980. And when you consider that the plot of each movie is pretty much indistinguishable from its predecessor, well, that’s saying something.

I’m not sure what, but ... well, something.

However, it looks like those Friday the 13^th creators are actually afraid of the number 13. 

Get this — even though Jason has Lived, Taken Manhattan, had New Beginnings, Final Chapters, and even his Final Friday — he has had only 12 movies. Twelve. As far as I know, no date has been set for the 13^th Friday the 13^th. 

Hmmmm... Looks like we’ll just have to get our chills from watching the stock market.

At any rate, I really don’t want you to fear this much maligned calendar day. In fact, it might make you feel better to know that the Dutch Center for Insurance Statistics reports fewer accidents and fires actually occur on Friday the 13th.

So, unless you’re heading to a spelling bee, you’re sure to be safe today.

However, if you are heading to a spelling bee, it is imperative that you remember the technical term for “morbid fear of Friday the 13^th” —  

Friggatriskaidekaphobia.

(I don’t actually have the condition,

but that word gives me some serious heebie-jeebies)

PROMPT: I’d tell you to write the next Friday the 13^th movie plot, but that would take you all of 13 seconds. Instead, you can use the day to create with all things superstitious — ladders, rabbits’ feet, broken mirrors, horseshoes, wishbones, and reading blogs. Okay, I made that last one up, but I think it’s a lucky thing to do. In fact, I've added my sweet (unless you are a unicorn) black cat’s photo above to work as a double negative just for you. After all, if you don’t have no good luck, then good luck is sure to abound! 

D-Day

Seventy years ago today, my adopted “Goompa” was on his way to Caen, France.

He was piloting a B-17G with the moniker “Cocaine Bill.”

It was his 16^th mission.

Fortunately, he lived to see 26 more.

After the war, he returned stateside and became a teacher of English Literature.

Twenty-odd years after that, he and his wife folded a young couple with a towheaded baby into their family.

I was that baby.

Goompa, this is my thank you for your service…

and for giving me a love of all things wordy.

I miss you still.

PROMPT: Does your family have a WWII story? If so, today would be a great day to get it on the page.

If not, check out this list of WWII novels for children and get inspired.

Got Compost?

It’s May 29th!

And you know what that means…

It’s National Learn About Composting Day!

Go ahead, Doubters — look it up.

I’ll wait.

Satisfied?

Well, dang it, then — let’s learn about composting!

When gardeners compost, they take a bunch of useless leftovers, throw them into a pile, turn them over and over a bunch of times, and voilà!  They create fantabulous fertilizer for rockin’ their leaf-lovin’ world.

You may be wondering exactly what qualifies as a compostable, useless leftover.

Well, wonder no more — I found a website listing 163 things you can compost. The page was cleverly titled “163 Things You Can Compost” and if you’re interested, you can find it here.

As you can imagine, I was incredibly inspired by this list. So much so that I decided to take a few of the items and translate them into writer-speak just for you.

Because here’s a little secret that you ought to know —

Writers out-compost gardeners every single day of the week.

Gardeners (Writers)

Wood ashes (rotten childhood)

Chicken manure (schoolyard bullies)

Bee droppings (the ones who dumped you)

Sunday Comics (the ones you dumped)

Crab shells (lousy bosses)

Moldy cheese (lousy jobs)

Freezer-burned fish (picked last for the softball team…again)

Hoof and horn meal (but first to be seated in the spelling bee)

Dried jellyfish (laid off, downsized, terminated, frustrated)

Dead flies (wardrobe malfunctions)

Dust bunnies (worst haircut ever — she wouldn't even let you pay)

Yes, Writers, you've got this composting competition in the bag.

PROMPT: Take a bunch of useless leftovers, throw them into a pile, turn them over and over a bunch of times in your mind, and voilà!  You've got fantabulous fertilizer for rockin’ your keyboard-clackin’ world.

Memorial Day

Each year this final Monday of May is set aside in memory of those who have lost their lives while serving in the Armed Forces.

And that, my friends, is far more important than anything I have to say here.

So instead of writing today, I’m going to take a little time to reflect. Then I’m going to offer up a whole lot of loving thanks. 

After all, so many have sacrificed so that I can have the freedom to create a life of my own choosing.

And isn't the freedom to create what this blog is really about?

And while I’m at it, here’s something I'd like to create —

I'd like to create a world in which there are no new names added to the Memorial Day roll call.

PROMPT: Who’s with me?

You’re in Luck!

Today is National Lucky Penny Day!

So, in honor of those peachy penny parties that are sure to be popping up all over the country, I thought it would be a great day to re-post my baby brother’s recipe for instant treasure…

Instant luck also guaranteed!

Instant Treasure (without losing an eye)

Ingredients:

One 5 dollar bill

One bank teller person

One sense of adventure

Directions:  Make haste to a financial institution in your neighborhood. Hand over your 5 dollar bill to the bank teller person and say, “I would like 500 pennies.” Smile. You can add an “Arrrgh” if you wish. When the bank teller person hands over those rolls, you may feel the urge to swashbuckle. I suggest you save that for later. Sail home and check out what you've got — and blimey, you've got 500 chances to find some valuable stuff!

Voila — treasure!

The last time my son did this, he found two Lincoln wheat pennies (1941 & 1946) and a dime with low self-esteem (alas, he was worth so much more than the chumps he hung out with).

Now this recipe also comes with bonus features that are mighty handy if you’re a writer person. I call them Instant Stories. Sure, sure, the pennies might be worth more than face value, but the stories in your hot little hands are priceless — and they can run the gamut from historical to hysterical.

To access these features, preheat your brain to “simmer”. Then take another look at your loot.

For example, think about my son’s wheat-backs from 1941, the year the U.S. entered WWII, and 1946, the year after The War ended — Shiver me timbers, there are so many world events between the mintings of two bits of metal! 

And just where have those pennies been all this time? Were they ever worn in loafers? Could one have been held by JFK? Martin Luther King? How many gumballs did they purchase in their lifetimes? How many times were they “lucky” finds? Were they ever employed by the Tooth Fairy? Did a kid ever swallow one of them?

Okay, maybe you don’t want to think about that last one.

PROMPT: Your assignment, should you choose to accept it — go get yourself some treasure without the risk of scallywags or swordplay. Plunder the stories! Paint maps of faraway islands! And if you really want to engage in a sword fight or two, I’m certainly not going to stop you.

And by the way, if you’re doubting that you’ll find anything that's particularly valuable — note that one wild author and coin guy, Scott A. Travers, intentionally dropped rare pennies into circulation in 1997, 2002, and 2006. His last drop included a penny worth $1000 (yep, you saw that right — One. Thousand. Dollars.). Now THAT is one lucky penny — and of course, a great story, too!

Grump-Be-Gone

Be happy for this moment.

This moment is your life.

—Omar Khayyam

Get lost, Grumpy! Happy's the only dwarf we want to deal with right now…

Because today is the Great American Grump Out!

That’s right.

And that means for the next 24 hours there is to be no—

whining, frowning, fussing, bellyaching, grousing, grumbling, lamenting, screeching, crabbing, sulking, griping, scowling, glowering, or even eye-rolling.

Yep, all across the fruited plain.

We must refrain from the complain.

And yeah, that means you even have to endure bad poetry without groaning.

But hey, I've got some great stuff that can get you through…

We’ll start with the obvious — some Happy.

Got work to do?

Then this is what you want.

Still need a convincer that happy is the only way to be?

Shawn Achor’s TED talk will set you straight.

Face it, every day is Grump Out Day on the good ship Elbow.

PROMPT: Get rid of the grump, and get on board with these American Authors. This could be the best day of your life!

WHAM! POW! SHAZAM!

Holy Toledo, Batman! Is it true?

Yes, Robin, tomorrow is a big day for comic book fans…

May 3^rd is Free Comic Book Day!

Each year on the first Saturday in May, comic book shops all over the world celebrate their industry by giving away comic books.

That’s why it’s called Free Comic Book Day, after all.

Check here to locate a comic shop in your area so that you can join in on the fun.

Then spend today gearing up for the party by thinking about all of your old favorites.

Do any of these ring a bell?

Uncle Scrooge

Archie

Captain America

Asterix

Wonder Woman

Mickey Mouse and Friends

Teen Titans

The Incredible Hulk

Tintin

Sonic the Hedgehog

Superman

And of course...
Batman

Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods, Batman! You made the list!

I did. I did, indeed. But you, my holier than holy of holies little friend, did not.

PROMPT: The very first comic book superhero (Superman!) was born back in 1938. Today would be a great day to create another. Give him or her an awesome superpower like… oh, I don’t know… yawns that glow or super-sticky earwax (I’m sure you’ll think of something). Then create an incredible adventure one Marvel-ous panel at time.

As Honest as the Day is Long

Back in the early 1990’s, M. Hirsh Goldberg took a good hard look at April.

It needed a closer, he thought.

After all, it’s the only month that begins with a foolish celebration of fabrication.

So, he decided to balance it out by declaring the last day in April to be Honesty Day…

A day in which you can liberate yourself from all deceit, lies, and hypocrisy.

Yes, now is the time to declare your secret crush on the girl/boy next door…

Go ahead — come clean about stealing that Snickers bar from the corner convenience store back in 1973…

And while you’re at it, tell your wife that she does indeed look fat in that dress, your husband that his bald spot is getting bigger by the hour, and your Aunt Ethel that her singing stinks to high heaven.

Wow.

This whole Honesty Day feels sooooo much better than April Fools’ Day, don’t you think?

Oh, and by the way —

Mr. Goldberg may not have been completely honest about this whole Honesty Day thing.

After all, it just so happened to be a terrific way to promote his latest release at the time —

The Book of Lies: Schemes, Scams, Fakes, and Frauds that Have Changed the Course of History and Affect Our Daily Lives

Tsk Tsk, Mr. G.

Methinks your pants are on fire.

PROMPT: What if your main character was slapped with an Honesty Curse? The effects only last a day, but oh what a day it will be!